her name is jane or gillian or judy
her face is always somewhere in the crowd
a guarded look and unobtrusive clothes
a hasty pace, a head held slightly bowed

when she was young, she wore her hair in pigtails
was top of class, ambitious to the bone
was sensitive, obedient and silent
by succeeding she'd forget she was alone

now she's always heeding everyone's suggestions
she's trying hard and working well and fast
she plans her life as if it was a novel
and wastes no thoughts on present or on past

and she does her best to win their hearts and please them
though she doesn't know exactly who they are
she treasures all those smiles and nods and praises
she hasn't realized the price so far

she's diligent, but insecure and timid
afraid to let a chance slip through her hands
afraid of death, yet more afraid of living
afraid to fail or disappoint her friends

and always she's fulfilling expectations
it's plain enough, since she expects the same
she's content - but never ask if she is happy
for this is life and neither fun nor game

if she's lucky, she remains ahead of questions
if she's lucky, there's no time to feel the lack
if she's lucky, she will never pause to notice
that she's gone by far too far for turning back

her name is kim or carolyn or katy
she has blended into every stage and place
she has lived her life according to their customs
tomorrow, she'll be gone without a trace

eva, june 3rd, 2001
for rafael - no dreams, no mists, no memories

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